count them

After reading a reflective article on the lessons learned during her stay in a foreign country, I felt a little pinch. Have I ever counted my blessings? Have I looked back and gave credit, where credit was due? Can I look back and say I have learned x, y and z? I will give it a try, to put some thoughts into order and feel like I have done something with these days which have continually felt less and less productive. 


My past four years have mainly been spent in England, a country where I would have never imagined myself living. I learned to speak a further language up to native level, but still feel haunted when I make mistakes or fail to identify a certain expression. 


I never saw myself as a procrastinator per se, surely I struggled to focus for hours and hours on, but pushing work away was none of my main characteristics I'd say. 

Here we go. 

I learned of mental health, because mine went through a hiccup that felt like it lasted an eternity.

That might be my most valuable lesson, relying all my life on the brightness my mind shed onto my path darkened surely for a period as long as 4 years. My blessing is learning to let go. 

My blessing is to have a beautiful, wonderful sister like I do, who supports me through everything and is the best friend and mentor I could have ever asked for.

Is my mother who, in her little quirkiness, never fails to make me feel embarrassed in a good way of belonging to such a banana family.

My father, who healed from his own ailments and came back to me, which made me the happiest daughter I have ever felt.

My family enabled me to follow my studies in a foreign country, and maybe I seemed ungrateful at times as I was struggling with it along the way - but the truth is - you have me the power to gain knowledge  I would have never gained otherwise. 

My blessing is to learn and see something new each day, since I have started to heal. 

I have been working with young, very vulnerable people, have been put into leadership positions, been crafting every week, started painting again, making music, I took a house that I felt I deserved, I was taken into a beautiful friendship I thought would be unbreakable. I have admitted my own breakability. I have taken myself serious and took it back again. I got a wondeful part-time job which helps me recreate a part of mine I thought was dead. I have been lucky to work for an organisation that actually does really good things. I am proud of my work. I am proud of what I am learning every day. Learning more every day has humbled me. Having a friend whose name is humble, has humbled me. Going to Iceland and showing me the beauties of the cold has humbled me. I love humbleness. I fall onto my knees and hope humble covers me in her sheets and paves the paths I walk. 

I am lucky to live. I am so damn damn damn lucky. 



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