2014 and as the cliche dictates I made resolutions. With the slight distinction that I religiously celebrate the Mexican tradition of eating 12 grapes when the clock hits midnight. With each
grape being crashed between my jaws I send a thought, a goal, a pathway to the universe for it to hopefully materialise and being sent back to me.
Last year I started doing a "not to do" - resolution list, written down on paper and carried around everyday. I want to get rid of bad bahibts, bad thoughts, bad friends, bad parts of me, and carrying a list helps to remember that I am actively working on the bad stuff, too, in case the New Year's Resolution of going to the gym every day will traditionally be postponed for the next New Year's Resolution.
In addition to all these things, I have counted the bad days for the past 2 years. A bad day is defined by absolute feelings of dispair, the lowest, most unwelcome moments, where I sadly must admit that I forget to love myself, hence the world, too. Love is truly all, and when love is gone nothing goes. So in order to remember that we need to count the bad and the really good days, observe the ratio and make conclusions and be aware of the sides a coin has. Even the darkest days leave a mark, an insight, a lessons learnt from which we can draw good, positive, deep feelings and thoughts. Good days as such are hard to calculate, so I count the moments. Light, beautiful, colourful moments of this year.
I also happen to have a jar which purpose it is to contain little papers with "awesome moment" notes in it.
So these are four things I do, to keep track of the year and my happiness ratio.
And now long story told short I must admit that most of my NY resolutions weren't fulfilled, writing a poem every week or at least 35 poems didn't work (in fact I wrote 16) . I didn't read one book for my own pleasure, I didn't meditate, I drank more than I wanted, I didn't work harder. So is there a reason to not like myself so much after all? Let's skip that. I did fulfil some points on my list, and they were the least expected, or most random. Find out more who I am and explore my femenity. Yes these were my resolutions.
So for next year here's the list and the not-to-do list:
Receive my 1st real wage
35 poems by end of 2014
read for pleasure
go to bed on time
write letters to loved ones and strangers
show appreciation, be grateful, practice humbleness
wake up when I need to wake up
get out of the comfort zone, be open
focus on myself, my path, my health, my future - my present
practice my languages and instruments, plant a garden, eat my own grown
be clean, eat clean, live clean, think clean
define the year by detox instead of intox : 1 month sugar free, 1 month full vegan, 15 days vegan raw, do one liver cleanse, do one master cleanse, go to meditation retreats, find a silent retreat.
my not to do list is much shorter in appearance but clear
wait too long to make a decision
rush into feelings
forget who I am and what I need
smoke too much
drink too much
be scared of loss
wait instead of doing
Happy New Year to everyone, may all your wishes may be granted but be careful what you wish for. Mua