This time I do not want to share a poem or a thought, I want to write down a dream I had after two weeks of emotional struggle.
I dream a lot, intense and very often lucid. While being younger I suffered from terrible nightmares and night terrors, I have always dreamed of missions I have to accomplish and situations where I help others. My dreams usually involve animals, and the ability to speak with them. Often they do not appear in their natural size, such as elephants which fit on the palm of my hands, or fantasy animals I have never seen before while I am awake. This one I had last night left me with a strength and confidence I wouldn't have been able to accomplish by myself right now; and with a lot of confusion.
I find myself in a futuristic place of war. Chaos is everywhere, buildings are damaged and people are going berserk. Running and hiding, trying to get home I guess- I encounter a giant black and red coloured bull with golden horns. He's of the size of an elephant more or less. I was startled, but not scared, and lost all fear in the moment I realized that he was there to protect me. He came up to me in greatest trust and respect and told me to ride him. I do not recall his name, but a short conversation I had with him, asking if his name was Egon. He chuckled in disbelief and said: Of course not. He might have told me his name afterwards, but I can't recall. In one of the fights we got into he was injured, and in this moment an equally giant white lion appears with a golden mane. Just as the bull, I am not completely confident, but meet him in respect and trust, and so does he. We talk and I ride him, while he tells me his name: Refe'el. I wonder and ask him if Rafael and he corrects me: No, it's Refe'el. Refe'el and I have an incredible friendship, while I am nothing in size and power compared to him, I feel his trust and love surrounding me at all times, just as the bull's friendship. I know that he counts on me, but throughout the dream I do not understand which my mission is and how I am supposed to protect him as he's been protecting me.
I find myself in a place I call home in my dream, a place I have never seen in my life, but it's a house or a flat. I hear steps and meet two girls who in my real life have caused great damage to me, but one of them (still in real life) has tried to approach me after many years to apologize. I wonder what they are doing and see how they try to attack me with broken sticks which have pointy ends. I shout to the one who's been trying to gain my trust, asking what is going on and the two only laughed at me, saying I shouldn't trust anyone. I manage to escape and notice that many of the houses where my house is, have animals with golden features in the front porch (which are, like in Mexico, surrounded by a fence). I see huge stags with golden antlers, antilopes, felines... all kind of wildlife. I open some fences so they can escape and find a small baby fox with tiny little golden horns. I run to a house and find my grandmother who is not very fond of animals, but I ask her to take care of this one, as it is still very young and wouldn't be able to survive on his own. I explain to her that this one is a reborn spirit or angel, and as she is very religious she takes on this responsibility. I continue my quest of freeing the animals until I find a very young and small gazelle, again with small golden horns. As I pick it up I hear voices of threat behind me and I run up the porch (which was very steep) and try to hide in the soil, using my brown coloured dress as camouflage. I press my body and face against the ground and see a man with a rifle approaching and startle when I see that he notices me but ignored me on purpose by turning his back on me and telling the other people who were behind me that he couldn't see anything, it is than that I realize that I am being chased and that I have supporters among humans as well. I know that people are running around me and hear them saying: "is she the one with the golden heart?" "No it is her throat which is golden" "her tongue"... and so on, while I lie there I start to realize why I might be able to talk to the animals as I share a golden feature with them, but had to chuckle on the expression of "the golden heart". Suddenly one notices me and screams and I jump up as they start shouting orders of killing me, I kick them and shout: YOU WON'T SHOOT ME! Running down towards the street I see two magnificent large leopards, grey/white coloured with golden stains running towards me, and as I don't know them I startle, the first runs passed me and I feel that he's attacking my hunters while the other shouts at me to jump on, but I am so surprised that I miss and he has to take a turn and run back towards me so I can jump on him. As we are running a few blocks and he's telling me that they are here to protect me he suddenly slows down, as he's being in pain or having cramps and I ask him what is going on and he says that he doesn't know, but his body is not obeying. It is then that I notice a little arrow on this right back thigh close to my right leg. I rip it out of his skin and tell him to stop so I can suck out the poison. He refuses but I make him stop and start sucking out the poison, I can feel the bitter taste of the venom on my tongue, numbing my mouth and spit out and suck all I can, until I feel that we have stopped for too long, I carry him to a corner where he could be safe and have to continue to escape. I run down a big road cross, which is half destroyed and see dozens of people running behind me. Infront of me is a large fence which I am able to jump over and arrive in a barren field with a giant white turkey. During the dream I have lost shoes and my clothes are more rags than clothes. Someone attacks me and I find myself wrestling on the ground with this person (at this point the dream starts to get blurry) the turkey is making a scene, he’s not entirely happy to be there involved, but I sense his strong magic and although he didn’t seem to be very supportive he points out a pair of black/golden sneakers (which I have in real life) for me, so I can protect my feet.
The next scene is a ceremony, I am not directly involved so my guess is that it is my funeral, but the people are all dressed in beautiful colourful gowns – and this is where I wake up.
Although I am not entirely certain of the ending of the dream, it cheered me up more than anything else in the past few weeks.
Thanks for that Bull and Refe'el.